Clearing Up Those "Blurred Lines"
By Dr Elsbeth Meuth


"I hate these blurred lines." Robin Thicke certainly gets this point across in
his new hit song, appropriately titled, "Blurred Lines." The song has been
quite the rage since its July 30th debut and quickly climbed the charts to #1
within its first week.

But once people started dancing, the question eventually popped up, "Hey,
what is he talking about?" And thus began the controversy about the lyrics,
the video, and what it all means in terms of the relationship between men
and women.

There seems to be two major criticisms buzzing around; one, that the song
exploits women and, two, that it is "rape-y." While it is hard to deny that the
song is exploitative-the uncensored video involves women traipsing around
naked while Thicke and his cohorts are fully dressed-the argument that the
song is about rape is a gross overreaction.

The "rape-y" argument suggests that the lyric "I know you want it" promotes
the notion that "no" really means "yes" in regards to a woman consenting to
sex. This is simply not the case. Thicke is very clearly referring to being in a
club (or anywhere where men and woman are doing their mating dance)
and feeling like he is getting mixed signals-"blurred lines"-from the woman
that he is flirting with.

The lyric that follows, "but you're a good girl," conveys a common theme for
women's sexuality. A "bad girl" expresses her sexuality and is aggressive
about seeking out sexual experiences while a "good girl" abstains from sex
to maintain her purity.

Along with its popularity, the song touches on a deeper underlying issue in
our culture about the state of our sexual expression. In a few words, it
sums up the essence-and dysfunction-of the way men and women are
taught about sexuality.

Why can't a woman "want it" and also be a "good girl?" In today's society,
both in America and around the world, men are generally heralded for their
sexual prowess while women are vilified. For example, when a teenage
boy wants to have sex for the first time, he may tell his father who gives him
a pat on the back, a condom, and tells him to go have fun. It is a sign that
the boy is entering into manhood. On the other hand, when a teenage girl
has sex, she will often keep it a secret out of shame and embarrassment.
She may be considered to be impure or slutty. So, for a woman, being
"good" is clearly to abstain from sex and sexual expression.

Who exactly are the boys supposed to be having sex with if the girls are
taught that sex is wrong? Well, those very same girls. Therefore, a girl must
be "bad" in order for it to be okay that she is having sex. And thus the
struggle - the "Blurred Lines" - begins, leading to a lot of frustration from the
male perspective and a lot of guilt and feeling conflicted from the female
side.

To clear these "blurred lines" we suggest to bring more consciousness
and understanding to sexual energy, or "Sexual Life Force Energy" (SLFE).
SLFE is the spark of all life; it's how we got here. It's life force in all that is
alive-humans, animals, and plants-to procreate and perpetuate existence.
It's sex, orgasm, and yes, it is the energy that fuels creating anything and
everything from our evening meal to a great piece of art. It then seems
absurd that this energy should be anything but celebrated.

Humans have the unique capacity to become aware of and ultimately guide
their SLFE. Unlike animals, we are not bound by instinct and being in heat-
though we are of the same biological make-up. Rather, we are able to
choose how we use our SLFE. The more we can become aware, the more
we can see that this energy is available to us not just when we are having
sex, but in all we do. It can be used to create whatever we want to bring into
our lives such as good health, well-being, fulfilling relationships,
endeavors, and careers. Anything that is creative and joyful stems from
SLFE.

However, we are not often conscious of this choice. We act on auto pilot
and follow our desires and impulses or act out our conditioned stories
("good girl/bad girl") instead of tapping into our creative power. However,
with awareness and practice, we can learn to reconnect consciously with
our SLFE. Through this understanding, men and women can come into
balance within themselves and then with one another.

Here is what will help us to cultivate the true celebration of that sexual life
force energy:

• For men, it's learning to sustain that precious energy through breath and
energy practices that allows for integrating their sexual with their heart
energy. By practicing mastery, frustration will dwindle as the "need" to have
sex will be less consuming and avails play, joy and presence.

• For women, reawakening their feminine energy is key to restoring balance
and experiencing joy. Through breath and energy work she can start to
rekindle the SLFE spark that had been dimmed from early negative
messages. Bringing consciousness to her body, heart and spirit allows
her to shift to seeing sexual energy as GOOD and that sex, consciously
chosen, is wonderful and enlivening. The guilt and inner conflict will begin
to fade.

By taking one moment at a time and bringing awareness to sexual energy
as it arises, one can practice enjoying each experience of sexual
expression, in whatever form it takes (flirting, hugging, kissing, touching... )
without attachment to an end goal. Then the choice to have sex becomes a
conscious decision, which ultimately leads to better orgasms and deeper
connection with oneself and another.


Comments?


Dr. Elsbeth Meuth is the co-founder and director of the TantraNova Institute
in Chicago, IL, USA. She is an internationally renowned workshop leader,
relationship coach and intimacy expert, and certified Tantra Yoga teacher.
She co-produced the bestselling DVD series "Creating Intimacy & Love"
and was featured on Showtime's documentary series "Sexual Healing" and
the Emmy Award Winning NBC show "Starting Over" and a number of local
and national publications such as Women's Health Magazine.

Over the past decade, Elsbeth and her partner Freddy Zental have assisted
thousands of couples and singles rekindle or expand their intimate and
love life. They lead couple retreats for CEOs and their spouses through
organizations such as the Young Presidents Organization, YPO, receiving
highest marks and recognition for results and outcomes produced.
http://www.TantraNova.com
Kinky Bondage Sex Toys
Over the past decade,
Elsbeth and her partner
Freddy Zental have assisted
thousands of couples and
singles rekindle or expand
their intimate and love life.
They lead couple retreats for
CEOs and their spouses
through organizations such
as the Young Presidents
Organization, YPO, receiving
highest marks and
recognition for results and
outcomes produced.
http://www.TantraNova.com
Click here to watch the
uncut version of Robin
Thicke's video
"Blurred Lines"