Is it Love or Lust?
by Michael Douglas
There are zillions of lovers who swear that they had fallen for
each other at the first sight. Whereas there are others who
are not as lucky and so have dismissed love-at-first-sight as
an unrealistic proposition. They contend it is a concept
cooked up by romantics who need a plausible theory to
air-brush that deadly sin stirring inside them. They insist that
the tingle, that spark, that connection that you feel with a
person upon seeing him or her the first time is most probably
LUST. It is not, nor can it be, love. Love is built on
compatibility, understanding, trust, security, respect... None
of these aspects can be gauged at the first meeting, and
therefore, by logical reasoning, your feelings, however
powerful, can not be love at all.
Infatuation is the name
In the same vein, love at first sight is an excuse often trotted
by people who either don't know, or don't want to admit that
the pull of a sexual attraction can be that intense. This may
well sum up the beliefs of most modern lovers. "I used to
believe that love at first sight isn't such a sham as it is made
out to be. His name was Jack and the first time I saw him, I
was completely charmed. His good looks had an almost
instantaneous magical effect on me. He was my neighbour's
cousin and I used to eagerly await birthdays and anniversary
functions in the neighbourhood in the hope of seeing him. In
fact, on such occasions, I made sure I wore a short skirt or
something sexy. I would make special efforts to speak in my
accented english in front of him until one day I met another
guy whom I knew for six months and got involved with him.
Jack was out of my mind and my life. It's then I realised that
love had a lot more to it than just physical attraction.
For many, love at first sight is just another way of saying
infatuation. "I don't think there is any such thing as love at
first sight. It's infatuation colour-coated as love. It's purely
physical in nature. Love should not be dishonoured by
comparing it with something as amorous desire," adds MNC
executive Jess Jones.
There are others who also believe that it's an immature
emotion felt by young teenagers. A guy may have the best
looks in the world but may turn out to be the biggest cheater
too. Eventually one realises the value of compatibility,
steadiness, understanding and commitment in sustaining a
relationship. You can't predict that a guy will share these with
you at the first sight.
'tis true love
For every person who doesn't believe in this, there are
others who will defend love at first sight with a dogged
determination. They argue that physical attraction is the first
step to any relationship. It could be the person's face, gait,
hair or even butt that first attracts you to him/her. This is
something called intution. "When I saw my girlfriend for the
first time in school, I became completely lost in her eyes. She
was new in the school and had an innocent look about her. I
could feel my heart flutter with joy every time I saw her. There
was an instant emotional connection. Although I couln't
gather the strength to confess my feelings to her till much
later, my love withstood the vagaries of time. As a friend and
a classmate, I was well aware of her ongoing affairs but
somewhere I still had the embers of hope burning bright. It
was three years of passing out school, that I confessed my
feelings to her, that too with the help of her best friend. She
was hesitant initially but today we are a happy couple. It was
truly love at first sight for me", says graphic designer Arun
Vohra.
There can be love at first sight but the chances of success
are as high or poor as the people involved in it. My brother
met my sister-in-law and within three months they were
married. I too married my husband in a similar fashion," adds
model Jessica Simons.
You may call it the stroke of luck or destiny, the truth is there
are many relationships that grew out of the so-called Cupid
that struck at first sight as many as there are others that
haven't worked out.
What's the difference between lust and true love?
* Lust actually occurs when you first meet someone and feel
a special connection. It is based on sexual chemistry and is
accompanied by a rapid heartbeat, sweaty palms and, for an
unfortunate few drooling. It is more like an infatuation than
enduring love. It could stem from both physical and a mental
attraction.
* The main difference between lust and love is that lust often
happens when there is little chance of forming a relationship.
Lust is safe way to explore your feelings for someone who
you may think is unattainable. This can closely resemble
love, and if your feelings don't fizzle after you've snagged the
object of them, then they can lead to love.
Comments? Or discuss this topic in our
forum.
There are zillions of lovers who swear that they had fallen for
each other at the first sight. Whereas there are others who
are not as lucky and so have dismissed love-at-first-sight as
an unrealistic proposition. They contend it is a concept
cooked up by romantics who need a plausible theory to
air-brush that deadly sin stirring inside them. They insist that
the tingle, that spark, that connection that you feel with a
person upon seeing him or her the first time is most probably
LUST. It is not, nor can it be, love. Love is built on
compatibility, understanding, trust, security, respect... None
of these aspects can be gauged at the first meeting, and
therefore, by logical reasoning, your feelings, however
powerful, can not be love at all.
Infatuation is the name
In the same vein, love at first sight is an excuse often trotted
by people who either don't know, or don't want to admit that
the pull of a sexual attraction can be that intense. This may
well sum up the beliefs of most modern lovers. "I used to
believe that love at first sight isn't such a sham as it is made
out to be. His name was Jack and the first time I saw him, I
was completely charmed. His good looks had an almost
instantaneous magical effect on me. He was my neighbour's
cousin and I used to eagerly await birthdays and anniversary
functions in the neighbourhood in the hope of seeing him. In
fact, on such occasions, I made sure I wore a short skirt or
something sexy. I would make special efforts to speak in my
accented english in front of him until one day I met another
guy whom I knew for six months and got involved with him.
Jack was out of my mind and my life. It's then I realised that
love had a lot more to it than just physical attraction.
For many, love at first sight is just another way of saying
infatuation. "I don't think there is any such thing as love at
first sight. It's infatuation colour-coated as love. It's purely
physical in nature. Love should not be dishonoured by
comparing it with something as amorous desire," adds MNC
executive Jess Jones.
There are others who also believe that it's an immature
emotion felt by young teenagers. A guy may have the best
looks in the world but may turn out to be the biggest cheater
too. Eventually one realises the value of compatibility,
steadiness, understanding and commitment in sustaining a
relationship. You can't predict that a guy will share these with
you at the first sight.
'tis true love
For every person who doesn't believe in this, there are
others who will defend love at first sight with a dogged
determination. They argue that physical attraction is the first
step to any relationship. It could be the person's face, gait,
hair or even butt that first attracts you to him/her. This is
something called intution. "When I saw my girlfriend for the
first time in school, I became completely lost in her eyes. She
was new in the school and had an innocent look about her. I
could feel my heart flutter with joy every time I saw her. There
was an instant emotional connection. Although I couln't
gather the strength to confess my feelings to her till much
later, my love withstood the vagaries of time. As a friend and
a classmate, I was well aware of her ongoing affairs but
somewhere I still had the embers of hope burning bright. It
was three years of passing out school, that I confessed my
feelings to her, that too with the help of her best friend. She
was hesitant initially but today we are a happy couple. It was
truly love at first sight for me", says graphic designer Arun
Vohra.
There can be love at first sight but the chances of success
are as high or poor as the people involved in it. My brother
met my sister-in-law and within three months they were
married. I too married my husband in a similar fashion," adds
model Jessica Simons.
You may call it the stroke of luck or destiny, the truth is there
are many relationships that grew out of the so-called Cupid
that struck at first sight as many as there are others that
haven't worked out.
What's the difference between lust and true love?
* Lust actually occurs when you first meet someone and feel
a special connection. It is based on sexual chemistry and is
accompanied by a rapid heartbeat, sweaty palms and, for an
unfortunate few drooling. It is more like an infatuation than
enduring love. It could stem from both physical and a mental
attraction.
* The main difference between lust and love is that lust often
happens when there is little chance of forming a relationship.
Lust is safe way to explore your feelings for someone who
you may think is unattainable. This can closely resemble
love, and if your feelings don't fizzle after you've snagged the
object of them, then they can lead to love.
Comments? Or discuss this topic in our
forum.
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| Michael Douglas is a love expert who currently writes for Love-Lectures.com where you can find love tips for romancing your love mate and dating tips for yet another successful date. Also, he offers love relationship tips to strengthen your love life and helps you in building healthy relationships. |