Ten Tips for Better Sex and Deeper Intimacy
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by Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson

Tantra is an ancient Indian tradition that recognizes sexual
energy as a source of personal and spiritual empowerment.
Sexual energy does not necessarily mean sexual activity but
rather, the life force that exists in everything. Indeed, Tantric
practices can enrich your relationship and all aspects of your
life. Consciously exploring pleasure, sexuality and intimacy is
an easy way to start. Doing so will enable you to find more
satisfaction and a deeper sense of connection. Here are ten
simple ways to begin your exploration.

Cultivate a sense of adventure The Tantric approach to
living is fundamentally an experimental one. If you apply this
sense of curiosity to all your experiences, they will provide you
with opportunities to learn about yourself and your partner. If
you can treat your relationship and everything you experience
as a shared adventure, you will create a deep and enduring

Gaze into each others’ eyes Eye gazing has its origins in the
classical Tantric practice of Tratak, which means "to gaze
without blinking." In its most basic form, eye gazing requires you
to stand facing your partner in a comfortable and open pose,
while gazing softly into your partner’s eyes. When people are
first falling in love, this comes very naturally. Some long-term
couples may find it quite difficult at first, but it's a wonderful way
to recreate the experience and physiological state of falling in

Treat each other with reverence See your partner as a
manifestation of the divine (however you define it) and bring a
sense of worship to your lovemaking. If you can cultivate a
feeling of reverence for your partner, you can make every
aspect of your relationship, including hot sex, a form of spiritual

Pay attention We like to define love as "profound interest."
Life can be stressful, and demands on our time often leave us
disconnected from our partners. You can choose to be
interested and attentive. It only takes a little effort, but the more
genuinely interested you are in your partner, the more
connected you will be.

Make a date The value of scheduling dates and times to be
intimate is often overlooked. People tend to wait for the perfect
mood to strike or the right moment to arrive because they fear
that planning will cheapen the experience and make it artificial.
Remember that anticipation can be a powerful aphrodisiac.
Don't just take advantage of those times when the mood hits
you. Make dates for brief encounters and plan romantic
getaways together.

Get in synch Take the time to synchronize your breathing. If
you do this in conjunction with eye gazing, you can use both
visual and auditory cues to determine when you are in synch. If
you are not looking at each other, you can feel the rise and fall
of your partner's chest. Bringing awareness to the breath is
frequently the first step in learning how to meditate.
Consciously synchronizing with your partner is a way to
harmonize and to create a calming, peaceful intimacy.

Give and receive massage One way to learn more about
your partner and yourself is by exchanging massages. Use soft
lights, candles, incense and soothing music to set the mood.
Take your time and explore your partner's body. This will help
you learn more about your partner's responsiveness and help
you develop the ability to touch consciously. We recommend
trading sessions -- giving one day and receiving the next.

Gently suck on your partner's upper lip In Tantric anatomy,
it is believed that a psychic nerve runs from a woman's upper
lip to her genitals and that sucking it can be very arousing. Men
have often reported feeling the same spark of sensation in
response to this form of kissing.

Stimulate the sacral nerves Stimulate the sacrum (the
triangular bony structure in the small of the back) using
pressure, percussion, or vibration -- pressing your hand firmly,
moving it back and forth in short rapid motions, or tapping
gently with the edges of your hands. The sacral nerves connect
to the genitals, so this kind of stimulation can be intensely

Pulse your pubococcygeal (Kegel) muscles during
These are the muscles that comprise the pelvic
floor. You can locate them by interrupting the flow of urine.
Exercising these muscles is a yogic practice, and there are
many benefits in keeping them toned. If you pulse your PC
muscles back and forth during intercourse, it will drive you both
wild. This is an ancient courtesan's technique, sometimes
called the secret language, but both men and women can do it.

Try these simple techniques and cultivate this open,
experimental, and reverent attitude. Whether you've just
started dating or have been together for years, you're likely to
discover new and wonderful things about yourself and your
partner. If you're single, going into your next relationship with
this information in mind will help you get off to a good start.
These tips hardly do justice to the richness and complexity of
the Tantric tradition, but if this is all you ever learn about it,
you're likely to find that you've got some powerful tools for
transforming yourself and your relationship.

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