Women and Orgasms
by Elizabeth Black©

I've seen quite a few articles lately about female orgasm. Flipping the
finger to Freud, women need direct clitoral stimulation to have an
orgasm. I'm no different. Some sexual positions turn me on more than
others. Most women know that being on top is more arousing than the
traditional "missonary" position because of the direct clitoral stimulation
you get when you ride on top. Intercourse itself may not provide enough
clitoral stimulation for a woman to reach orgasm. She needs that clitoral
stimulation to ride the Great Wave.

According to
The Crimson Whie Online , a large number of women fake
orgasms. Sex therapist Aline Zoldbrod claims "the number of faux
orgasmic pleasure is about 50 percent. A report by the online magazine
Slate notes a 2000 Orgasm Survey putting that number at 72 percent. An
ABC news poll indicates 48 percent of fakers among all women." I have
never faked an orgasm. If I don't feel like coming, I just say so. I usually
have no problem having an orgasm, even though it may take me a rather
long time to do it. I don't see the point in lying about having an orgasm or
faking one. Sometimes you just don't feel like getting your rocks off. I've
noticed that my desire for an orgasm ebbs and surges over the course of
a month. Right before my period I want one the most. During my period I
want one the least, mostly because I'm drained and in pain. An orgasm
can alleviate menstrual cramps, but those orgasms tend for me to be
rather mild. They do ease the pain, however.

In
">Wired,a woman describes masturbating with various sex toys. I have
my favorite sex toys that I like to use. I own a Rabbit Pearl, and that little
device gets lots of play with me. My husband also likes to use it on me.
He likes the hand massager that attaches to my wrist and two of my
fingers. That little device is great to use to massage the back and ass.
While I like vibrators, sometimes the sensation is so intense that I go
numb. I've always been one to take a long time to come to orgasm, which
suits me just fine. More time to play, as far as I'm concerned.

The Wired writer described a device called a Jack Hammer Johnson,
which seemed a bit too unwieldy for my taste. She had difficulty
controlling it. She had mixed feelings about it, describing her use of it as
"unfortunately, it's hard to feel sacred when you're trying to guide a dildo
you can't see, attached to a pogo stick that keeps bonking you in the chin,
into your vagina, all without dropping your vibrator or knocking yourself
out. When I finally got the JHJ where it belonged, I could not move it
smoothly. The tension in the spring required more strength than I
expected, and I kept losing my grip on the handle or the base would skid
a foot up the wall. I simply could not replicate the easy gliding motion the
models exhibit in the instruction video."

That sounds like too much work.

She did make some interesting comments about how most vibrators are
not created with women's needs in mind.

But ultimately, the Jack Hammer Johnson strikes me as the perfect
example of something Je Joue designer Geoff Hollington talked about.
He says the vast majority of sex toys reveal a male (mis)conception about
female masturbation, and that it was obvious to him that women aren't
consulted about most designs. With all the advances in technology in the
past 10 years, he wondered why the sex toy market is still saturated by
two themes: vibration and penises.

Phallic products seem to reflect a desire, conscious or not, for a man to
feel responsible for a woman's sexual pleasure. If a woman chooses a
priapic toy over one shaped like a rubber duckie in bondage gear, she
validates the importance of the penis and therefore of male influence on
her orgasm.

You know me -- by now, you probably know me better than you know
most of your co-workers -- and you know I'm a big fan of penises.

Orgasmic Joy ­ The G-spot

While there has been debate on the existence of the G-spot, many
women believe that it does exist. The G-spot (Grafenburg spot) is located
just above the pubic bone. It is a spongy area in the vagina. Some
women may ejaculate when their G-spots are massaged. If you would
like to locate your G-spot, first pee before having sex. Some women have
found that female ejaculation feels like a strong desire to pee. The best
way to locate your G-spot is to curl your fingers as you insert them into
your vagina. . You may also use a curve-shaped dildo in the same
manner. The Crystal Wand and the Archer Wand are dildos made
specifically to locate the G-spot. You're aiming for a spot about two
inches inside the vagina, facing your stomach. The G-spot swells as you
massage it, Apply firm pressure to the G-spot area, and squeeze your
Kegel muscles. You may massage your clitoris as you play with your
G-spot, or have your partner do that for you. Remove fingers or the dildo
just before orgasm so that ejaculation isn't blocked.

While there are women who may have difficulty having an orgasm. I think
that there are ways they can teach themselves how to have one. Get to
know your own body. If you don¹t have an orgasm, that doesn't mean
you're a failure. Half the fun is the ride before you reach orgasm. Good
sex isn't about orgasms along.


Comments?
Elizabeth Black leads a
peaceful life on the
Massachusetts coast,
next to the ocean. She
has written many erotic
short stories. Her
stories have been
published in Xodtica,
Scarlet Magazine, and
Emerging Women
Writers. She lives in a
two-hundred year old
house that she sadly
admits is not haunted.
She is married with a
teenaged son, and she
is owned by six cats. lol
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