Women's Use of Fantasy Makes Orgasm Easier Alone
by Jane Thomas

Men may be spon­tan­eously aroused but most men most of the time
need to do some­thing to orgasm. So female orgasms cannot 'just

The emphasis on clit­oral stim­u­la­tion (as if it is the only factor in
orgasm) is misleading because it ignores the bigger issue of erotic

Stim­u­la­tion tech­niques are useless without accom­pa­nying
psycho­lo­gical arousal. Yet sexual activity is often described only in terms
of phys­ical stim­u­la­tion. The idea that the brain needs to have an
empathic response to erot­i­cism is rarely mentioned. This is prob­ably
because we can see body parts but we cannot know what is happening
inside a person's head.

The brain trig­gers the phys­ical responses we call orgasm but no one
(even a man) can orgasm if their mind is engaged else­where (if they are
distracted by non-sexual thoughts). Orgasm occurs in the brain. It is not
just a ques­tion of phys­ical stim­u­la­tion. Some form of fantasy is needed.

Since the phys­ical aspects of sex are fairly straight­for­ward (once we
have worked out that the clit­oris needs stim­u­lating) any woman who has
orgasm diffi­culties is told she has a psycho­lo­gical problem (that she is
sexu­ally or emotion­ally inhib­ited). It is true that the psycho­lo­gical
aspects of sex cause women diffi­culty but not because there is
some­thing wrong with them. It is because of the way women's sexual
psycho­logy works.

The male mind slips fairly effort­lessly from the real world into fantasy. So
men only need to use fantasy scen­arios to boost their natural arousal. For
example men use porno­graphy when masturb­ating in the absence of a
lover. But women are much less sexu­ally responsive than men are.

Arousal is a response to our senses (sight, smell & touch) as well as our
imagination. Women's lack of hormonal drive means they have to use their
imagination (fantasy) on a completely different level from how men use
theirs. Women also have no easy sources of arousal such as a lover's
body. Given these two condi­tions it takes consid­er­able mental
concen­tra­tion to orgasm by using only fantasies (focused on taboo
aspects of sex).

A woman needs to be alone, in an envir­on­ment devoid of distractions.

The fact that women orgasm most easily by masturb­ating alone is
coun­ter­in­tu­itive because it is not the male exper­i­ence. Iron­ic­ally it is
the soci­able nature of sexual activity with a lover that impedes a woman's
ability to obtain the intense focus on fantasy that she needs for orgasm.

Excerpt from Jane's new book
Women's Sexual Behaviours & Responses
(ISBN 978-095689-4717 published 2013)
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