Women's Use of Fantasy Makes Orgasm Easier Alone
by Jane Thomas
Men may be spontaneously aroused but most men most of the time
need to do something to orgasm. So female orgasms cannot 'just
The emphasis on clitoral stimulation (as if it is the only factor in
orgasm) is misleading because it ignores the bigger issue of erotic
Stimulation techniques are useless without accompanying
psychological arousal. Yet sexual activity is often described only in terms
of physical stimulation. The idea that the brain needs to have an
empathic response to eroticism is rarely mentioned. This is probably
because we can see body parts but we cannot know what is happening
inside a person's head.
The brain triggers the physical responses we call orgasm but no one
(even a man) can orgasm if their mind is engaged elsewhere (if they are
distracted by non-sexual thoughts). Orgasm occurs in the brain. It is not
just a question of physical stimulation. Some form of fantasy is needed.
Since the physical aspects of sex are fairly straightforward (once we
have worked out that the clitoris needs stimulating) any woman who has
orgasm difficulties is told she has a psychological problem (that she is
sexually or emotionally inhibited). It is true that the psychological
aspects of sex cause women difficulty but not because there is
something wrong with them. It is because of the way women's sexual
The male mind slips fairly effortlessly from the real world into fantasy. So
men only need to use fantasy scenarios to boost their natural arousal. For
example men use pornography when masturbating in the absence of a
lover. But women are much less sexually responsive than men are.
Arousal is a response to our senses (sight, smell & touch) as well as our
imagination. Women's lack of hormonal drive means they have to use their
imagination (fantasy) on a completely different level from how men use
theirs. Women also have no easy sources of arousal such as a lover's
body. Given these two conditions it takes considerable mental
concentration to orgasm by using only fantasies (focused on taboo
aspects of sex).
A woman needs to be alone, in an environment devoid of distractions.
The fact that women orgasm most easily by masturbating alone is
counterintuitive because it is not the male experience. Ironically it is
the sociable nature of sexual activity with a lover that impedes a woman's
ability to obtain the intense focus on fantasy that she needs for orgasm.
Excerpt from Jane's new book Women's Sexual Behaviours & Responses
(ISBN 978-095689-4717 published 2013)
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