A Foreign Sugar Daddy
By Walt Schmidt

Hey, lady from the damp rice paddy,
I want to be your sugar Daddy
I'm fat and bald and have podagra,
For making love I need Viagra,
And no one in my own nation
Will give me warmth or admiration.

My nights are dull and monotonic,
My dates are boring and platonic.
That's why I'm interested in meeting
Love from afar that isn't fleeting,
I have the cash to buy a house.
Am I too old to find a spouse?

When I was young and poor and stupid,
Ignored and snubbed I was by Cupid,
In cold and barren towns I dwelled,
By women in contempt was held,
And all the ladies whom I dated
Were too demanding, bored and sated.

And now, some forty years later
I am no longer just a waiter.
A real estate millionaire
I have become. Still solitaire
And with a chip upon my shoulder,
I've grown lonelier and older.

Progressively becoming bitter
Is not my style: I'm not a quitter
So now I have the cash to find
A girl who's got an open mind.
I'll find her in the Orient
Where they will love my money's scent.

I know you think that it's amusing:
A man like me the Web perusing
In search of lonely foreign women,
Who want my life, my cash, my semen,
And all the other wondrous things
A foreign sugar daddy brings.

If only back on waiter's duty
Could I have had the love and beauty
Sincerity and modesty,
And not just empty travesty,
That women's hearts to men can grant.
Alas, those things were then so scant...

And now, equipped with cash in hand,
I'll have them all on my command
How cruel is my destiny
That left me in ignominy...
And brought to me to the stage when moolah
Becomes romance's mighty ruler

Just watch me smoke, I'll soon be boarding
A Boeing, looking for rewarding
And fruitful dates in foreign lands,
With women who can take commands
From rich old men just like yours truly,
Who'll be the boss and not a coolie.
©2006 by Walt Schmidt
All rights reserved.
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