REVIEWS
Hentai Review Poppers
by David Rasmussen

Month One featuring Critical Mass’ Sex Ward & MMG’ Sailor and the 7
Ballz.

Before we begin, a little backstory to my first hentai related review
article.

If you’ve been checking me out review wise over at
www.animeboredom.
co.uk then you know what I do on a weekly basis. Review Animes,
Mangas and Video Games, with the occasional adult review but nothing
on a regular basis. That is about to change. Because I hate restrictive
authority, especially when they have censorship on their lips and
restrictions in their minds, I felt now was as good a time as any to defy
the “Hill”aries (climb any “Hill”ary…) and damn the O’Reillies… or
whoever is complaining about adult material these days. Anyway don’t
let any light minded short bus riding censorship types repress you.
Stand up and be counted… just don’t go overboard please, that’s all I
ask.

Ok. Now that that’s done with let’s go into the first month of reviews
before I ramble on further.

This month we’re looking at something good and something written by
a room of mating season monkeys with lots of technology and little
else… guess which is which!

Critical Mass’ Sex Ward (Vanilla Series)

My first volley into the hentai review category lands me in intensive
care and a month of sexy nurses in… well… “Sexy Nurses Month”. A
month of reviews this March at Anime Boredom covers the nursing and
medical professions in hentai animes starting with a hentai sexy soap
opera type show… only when I say that I mean it in a good way, mind
you. Yes, you can have a soap opera style story of any genre and still
have a good product, believe it or not.

Once you start watching Sex Ward you’ll see that you got yourself a
nice little piece of hentai here.

From the content itself to it’s extras, Sex Ward aims to please and does
what it aims to do.

Looks like Ishikawa General Hospital is getting a new deployment of
fresh blood nurses, but forget the masses of pink uniform wearing
nursies as only two will stand forward and be counted as the main
movers and pussy shakers of this one. One being the blonde ambition
gone wrong nurse Naho, and the other the innocent who will find sex
can be fulfilling and healing at the same time (Satsaki)… after some
missteps mind you. They lead up despite the fact that the box mentions
a head nurse… a head nurse who has the ONE sex scene and then
disappears into the obscurity of being the secondary character she was
always meant to be… go figure.

First let’s talk Satsaki, she who seems to have earned the wrath of Nana’
s evil Demon Lord of Terror as she opens the first half of this hour long
hentai by dreaming about being gang raped by a older male patient and
his clone… or his evil doppleganger… or his stunt double… something.
Anyway it doesn’t bode well for her to run into the real thing and his
prominent health problems which sticks out like a sexual harassment
suit waiting to be filed. But she also runs into the green haired doctor
slash physical attachment for the main female characters, which who
(you guessed it) she will soon gain a crush on faster than you can say
“been there done that“. (Yeah, figures she couldn’t fall for a female
doctor despite the fact there is one in the mix).

Anyway the guy Satsaki ran into will be the first one who “breaks” in
Satsaki sexually at the start of the second half of the show after she…
well… accidentially pops him the wrong medication, only to have to
give herself up sexually to him until… well… something. He collapses
or goes into a drug induced fainting spell or whatever. Then he gets led
off the show Anthony Hopkins from Silence of the Lambs style and that’s
that for him… and no, he does not request fava beans and a nice nurse
to wear out… pphhpphhttt!!

Of course that isn’t the end of Satsaki’s sexual adventures, thankfully
however the rest of Satsaki’s adventures in sex is consentual, just so
you know.

First she gets jiggy with a college student lover whose scene is short but
sweet.

Then she has a lesbian scene with a female doctor and… well… that’s it.
Show ends at this time and apparently no amount of lesbian lust will
make Satsaki forget her green haired crush, even if he is kind of a
flawed person to get a crush over.

Ok, since the first half is rather Satsaki free who’ll carry the scenes for
this part?

First off it’s the head nurse who got a prominent lead on the back
notations of the DVD case, but really doesen’t turn in the expectations
of her mention. She basically cuddles her old man “sugar daddy”
hospital exec type and worries excessively about him cheating with
another girl… trust me, lady, nobody wants him.

After that our cursed girl Naho learns that alcohol and green haired
doctors don’t mix.

For he doesn’t like the screwdrivers and ham, because the liquor makes
him go quicker into madness and he becomes an instant rapist with a
drop of the liquor badness… of course she didn’t take the time to find
THAT out, but then again it’s not like you’ll find info on doctor’s alcohol
slash sexual activity ratings on their records so, well, go figure. Anyway
she gets it hard, but since she was hunting for his cock in the first place
she didn’t exactly mind he did her all night long.

At the second half Naho’s taste in sex partners only get worse as she
gets hooked up with the strange weirdo doctor after he makes her go
potty in front of him (he has a thing for scat/golden showers, though if
you are not into it you can be thankful that it isn’t a prominent thing
here so you won’t be grossed out), followed by him tapping into his evil
training as a Dark Lord of the Hentai Sith since he seemingly gets her
off by staring at her privates as she humps the air until orgasm hits
her… he’s tapping into his inner Sith lord isn’t he… and before you
know it she’s no longer a problem in the story since now Satsaki thinks
Naho has become the bride of darkness, and really once you look at him
you‘d think that too. Though she did seem to be quite happy with his
“technique”.

Did I mention the promptly mentioned head nurse only does it once
and becomes a moot point quickly?

I did, didn’t I? Well… let’s break it down then.

Sex Ward Extras

This DVD sports the original US trailer for Sex Ward, a montage of sex
images from the DVD, and finally it has previews of other Critical
Mass/Vanilla Series stuff… not bad.

Sex Ward Breakdown… new designation!

Since this is going to be a new review article I’m going to dust off a new
way to review things!

Hentai Hot

When I first read the recommendation for this one from Right Stuf
International I was abit intrigued by it, but still abit skeptical all the
same. I wondered if it would really follow through and be worth
watching… that quickly went away as I watched it and found myself
pleasantly surprised by it.

With well done character designs that look pleasing to the eye, nicely
done plotting, and a decent balance of sexual activity and storyline?
You can’t go wrong with Sex Ward.

As far as nursely hook-ups goes this is one to watch, and I
recommended it for your collection.

Hentai Cold

Hmmm…. I don’t think I have any complaints about Sex Ward at all. It
turned out rather well, and I for one have only good things to say about
this short little wonder of nursely cuddling. Even the one scat scene is
so short that you’ll not mind it… or just quickly fast forward through it…
whatever.

Sex Bytes

Hot scenes? Yes, we got that here.

In the first half we have Naho’s tactical error with the not so jolly green
haired doctor that led to hardcore banging in a “love” motel. Then Naho
returns for another go, this time with the Dark Lord of the Scat… I mean
Sith… for her second watchable scene.

Satsaki wraps it with her cuddles with the student patient and the one
lesbian scene (which lasts longer than the student cuddling).

Scary Bytes

Wanna see a woman briefly do scat? One short scene (with implications
of it in another scene).

Wanna see a scary male with a medical problem of throbbing disturbing
proportions? Got it!

How about a head nurse doing her “sugar daddy”? Don’t let me stop
you, it’s at the start!

Scary, people, scary!

Overall?

Well as far as nurse action goes this is one of the recommendable ones.
Good writing, good character design and character personality that
makes the story abit better than your average nurse sex hentai, and a
good mix of sex and story. With all that you got a recommendation on
this one from me to you.

MMG’ Sailor and the 7 Ballz

Sailor and the 7 Ballz answers an age old question of sorts -- regardless
of whether you asked it or not.

Question : What would happen if you locked 100 mating season time
monkeys up in a room with 100 computers and all the sex toys you can
for “research”? You’d get this evil spawn of the intellectually challenged
flash animation creators from heck that should generate a few dozen
lawsuits waiting to happen known as Sailor and the 7 Ballz (the flash
animation from hell).

Think of it as a sucky Sailor Moon meets DragonBall Z meets
Cardcaptor Sakura meets Neon Genesis Evangelion meets Gundam
meets Street Fighter meets lord knows what else in this flash crap that
should have been given a short quick brutal funeral right next to every
last copy in existence of Lil’ Pimp (both the never seen theatrical prints
and the DVDs).

What?!? Is nobody paying attention?? Hello! Could George Lucas At
LEAST pretend he actually cares about somebody blaphemizing the
classic old school Star Wars franchise in a crappy porn called
Starballz?!? Dammit, Georgie boy, are you really payin’ attention
there?!? Snap out of it!!

Then again Mr. Lucas is not the only one not minding the intellectual
store since it looks like nobody is paying attention since this nightmare
somehow saw the light of day without so much as a peep from anyone,
go figure. Not even dead to consumers franchises Tomb Raider owners
EIDOS and whoever got Austin Powers the franchise by the balls
seemed to care that their franchise not so performing performers seem
to pair up in scenes that were exorcised from the final product (shown
in the extras section).

As for the story? Does anyone care whether or not this has a story?

Don’t think I need to tell you the story, mostly since I am most certain
nobody carees if there is a story, but just in case somebody cares…
Usagi and Mamoru are going to get married, and everyone from every
time, space and known reality that the creators of this show thought
were “fan favorites” show up for the wedding (several sporting bigger
breasts thanks to breast augmentations). Too bad Mamoru is a total
pervo and sex crazed. First he gets Ami (now with larger tits) to give him
a blowjob, then he spends most of the show jerking off (he watches tit-
enhanced Rei and Mako-chan doing it together which isn’t as hot as
you think it sounds). Then Goku and that guy from Evangelion does a
breast augmented Minako, who then does a bigger Usagi when she
grows a penis, who is then taken by Mamoru which kicks off an
underwhelming orgy that… erk… and that’s that. See the DVD above?
Sex Ward? Get that one. This is scrubby.

The animation sucks (flash animation sucks), the voice acting is…
well… something, but nothing to communicate to your hive mind
about. The sex is sloppy, crappy and basically no good. And even the
extras are no good. Pass it on the fly, you’ll find better out there… heck,
I think even Venus 5 (which is about sailor suited girls who transform
into Sailor Moon clones) might be better than this, and that’s a sight
unseen thought though I will review it in the future to see if my first
impression lives up to reality.

The breakdown will say the rest.

Extras

As if I cared, but it has a montage of images… some actually related to
the title at hand! Too bad most are basically there just to fill space. Then
there’s the “Cut” scenes that didn’t make it into the final product… and
a preview of the George Lucas ignored StarBallz… bleah.

Sailor and the 7 Breakdowns… more or less.

Hentai Hot

…eh? Well… I guess if you ever wanted to see Rei and Mako-chan
fuck… no you don’t.

Uh… how about the many scenes with all those anime char-- no.

The “novelty” of having “popular” characters sexing out is worn out
faster than you can say “objection”!

Buy something worth viewing.

Wanna see sailor suited girls doing it? Get a schoolgirl style DVD.

Wanna see dickgirl action? I have something coming up soon review-
wise for you to consider.

Wanna see something better? You know you can find better.

Hentai Cold

This! Wasn’t what I said above enough proof of that?

Sex Bytes

…nothing…

Scary Bytes

…everything…

Overall?

As if the “creation” of the flash animation musical nightmare about a
boy who just wants to grow up to be pimp wasn’t bad enough we have
this! If your taste goes in this gutter then you really need to find a better
corner of hentai to hang your hat in! The DVD shoots for the groin and
hits China… so avoid it.

Next Month

Well I’m gunning for a double header on my continuing review batch of
sexy nurses and other medically inclinded sexual activists…. Because,
well, that’s the theme I’m going with and I’m going to stick to my guns
here. With that in mind we’re going with…

Kitty Media’ Slave Nurses - Because we have to have at least one review
with the word “slave” in it at this early stage of the game!

Anime Hot Shots’ TriAngle - No, it’s not a hentai about mathematics or
mechanical designers, there is a nurse in this one (who works in a
hospital from what I read about this one)… so that counts, doesn‘t it?
Also it’s the first Anime HotShots review which means all English
dubbed all the time (more on that next month).

Otherwise that, as they say, is that. So until next month then take care
and don’t forget to do your research before you buy! So… uh… buy… I
mean bye. Yeah, bye-buy-by… (waves)
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screenshots from Sailor and the 7 Ballz.
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