| REVIEWS |
Hentai Review Poppers Presents…
by David Rasmussen©
Paper Pleasures featuring Icarus Publishing Innocence
And our Anime reviews of…
Kitty Media’ Slave Nurses
And Critical Mass/Vanilla Series’ Spotlight
Merry Christmas everyone… or Happy Hannukah… Merry Kwanzaa… Happy New
Year… something?
It’s the end of the year so we’re doing end of the year reviews. Another article has Best
and Worst covered so no need to go into it here. And now, without further ado…
Icarus Publishing’ Innocence
As promised, a 4... Out of 5.
Lock up the conservatives and gag the O’Reilly, it’s an anthology that gets all the young
ladies dressed up in sailor suit schoolgirl uniforms (mostly). Mind you you should check
the back though, and read the disclaimer about everyone being of legal tender age and
not underaged, before you light the cultural intolerance beacon and start summoning
the FOX News Deities (O’Reillius sez nah bloviationing… (FOX thyself and chant “factor
this“)…)
Once again I didn’t like all of the stories but here’s some of my picks from this volume.
- In “Bound” a young man gets ahold of this tape from a senior at his school only to find
out it’s a porn video with his older sister as the star… gee, and the story ends rather
awkwardly too. Wonder if these two will return for a “sequel”… huh? Why? Well… you’ll
see if you read this.
- In “Creak” a young woman is raped in her bedroom by a mysterious shadowy bald
clone looking figure that she thinks is something she dreamed up… or did she? I really
didn’t like this one, but I thought I’d bring it up since the only other bald clone I can think
of is the guy from the Hitman games… maybe the title’s creator (Kamogawa Tanuki)
played one of the Hitman games before doing this particular one?
- In “Buy” it seems money can’t buy you happiness or love… and you need way too
much to buy a PS3 (yes, Sony, looking at you)… but it can get you laid once in awhile.
Just try to figure out whose paying for whose services in this story (maybe it’ll be a
surprise to you).
- In “Pet” a frustrated wannabe cat owner decides to “adopt” the young man taking care
of her sister’s dog as her own pet. A threesome ensues (no, not with the dog). On the
bright side frustrated cat lover learns to stop worrying and start taking care of her sister’
s dog… because, you know… you don’t do you… well, you’ll see…
- In the best of the stories here, “Portrait” an older male teacher finds love and
inspiration in his student slash muse slash lover as he uses her inspiration and her form
to paint a beautiful painting to enter in an upcoming artshow. Sorta like Sexfriend only
you don’t see much. If anyone deserves a longer story (or at least a sequel) this couple
does.
- Finally, in “Tears” a young lass gets attached to an outcast girl in her school who has
that whole “Parade Parade” thing going for her (and yes I do mean it exactly the way it
sounds). It would have been better if it was just those two but some older guy is also in
the picture so it ends up being a threesome… meh.
Breakdown time.
Innocence Brokendown
Hentai Hot?
Once again I didn’t like all of the stories here, yes (like before with Patchwork) but more
often than not I approved. I mean, well, even with Slave Contract (3 out of 5) where I
really didn’t approve at all I still gave it a good score because somebody out there likes
that kind of stuff, so why not give this a good score even if I am not 100% into this title?
Nicely done, the sex is solid and overall it’s a good read… and yes, pretty much all the
ladies here are of normal “build” (tune in next anthology, Patriot for the “larger than oh
god is that real?!?” built women… and yes, I do mean it that way). Nicely done.
Hentai Not?
The males in Songbird and certain males in Bend need that special something only a
chainsaw and a woodchipper can provide… not nice. At least not all the males in this
title are scum (remember Portrait).
Sexy Bytes?
Portrait without a doubt.
Scary Bytes?
Bound and Songbird. And, kinda, Tears as well… kinda.
Overall?
Solid little anthology that has something for everyone (more or less), with a nicely drawn
style and a good amount of sex drawn into it (and a few good stories to boot) I think you’
ll find your $20 will get you something nice here. Let’s give this one 4 future wedding
gifts for that happy couple from Portrait out of 5.
Kitty Media’ Slave Nurses
4 “Possibilities” out of 5(*)
What’s with the asterisk first thing out? Well, this score I’m giving for Slave Nurses, the 4
out of 5... It comes with a few “conditions” attached. If you can’t accept these conditions,
or they don’t work for you, then this score is actually a 3 out of 5... Only by accepting
my conditions can this be truly appreciated as a 4 out of 5... But first, before I go on,
maybe you should know what it is we’re talking about here.
New guy comes into work at this local impatient hospital out in the middle of nowhere
only to realize there’s a sex epidemic going on. Women nurses are becoming strangely
aroused sexually during the night due to strange hallucinogenic “triggers” that gets
them horny… don’t bother putting your Sherlock Holmes cap on, folks, the guilty party
surfaces faster than you can complain about Sony’s PS3’s latest defects (look towards
the first (and only) creepy old people with actual dialogue in this hentai as the guilty
ones).
Basically it’s an excuse to get nurses naked and sexed up. Don’t look for plot because
while this one is abit of the X-Files side (with mind control experiments) it’s mostly about
old guys looking to get their rocks off on young ladies, with an ending I bet you saw
coming from the first ten minutes when the guy began to “Dream” about raping young
sexed up against their wills women.
But why a 4 out of 5? Well this time out you know you’re not here for anything
intellectual, loving or romantic. Even I can figure out the equation that NURSES +
FORCED HORNY SEX DRIVE x SEX SCENES WITH MALE OR ONE SOLO and ONE
LESBIAN SCENE - DIRTY OLD MEN equals sex only viewing. Just as you aren’t going to
Hooters for the food, or SCORES for the atmosphere (or playing either BMX XXX or
Leisure Suit Larry : Magna Cum Laude for the addictive gameplay), you’re not coming
here for the plot.
And now why it’s only a 4 out of 5 sometimes… I.e. without the dirty old men. You must
not watch the dirty old men in order to keep this one at a 4 out of 5. Click pass the dirty
old men rape scenes and it is a 4 out of 5... Any scene, in fact, with the dirty old men
should be bypassed because their sick “methods” (and sometimes boring scenes) drag
this down to a 3 out of 5 (and that’s being generous). Without them, however, it’s a 4
out of 5. Remember, without dirty old men it’s 4, with it’s 3.
Other than that we have head nurse on man, nurse on nurse on man, nurse on nurse,
and a few more combinations that don’t include dirty old men… and that’s it. Anyway
this is cannon fodder filler for your collection, something to expose your significant other
to for no reason other than just to spice up sex viewing, there isn’t any redeeming plot
or loving coupling going on here.
But then again having the occasional naughty nurse vid in your collection is OK, isn’t it?
I mean you aren’t going to suffer because there’s one DVD in your collection that isn’t
Sexfriend, Parade Parade or Endless Serenade deep goddess this couple works so well
together hentai quality! So, on occasion, splurge a little. Just remember to avoid the
dirty old men. Breakdown.
Slave Breakdown Nurses
Hentai Hot?
Nurses nurses nurses… gee, wonder what the creators of this hentai were going to use
as the main selling point of this DVD… could it be… I don’t know… NURSES?!? (ding)
…great, do I win a prize now?
Hentai Not?
Dirty old men who seem to have bought the Cold War Conspiracy Theory Mind Control
Devices For Dummies handbook… I know this DVD actually explains a little bit the whole
mind control thing but, really, is anyone watching this interested in that? Like I said you’
re not here for that, you’re here for the nurses and the sex… and no, it’s not horrible or
terrible to admit that. Sometimes a sex hentai DVD is a sex hentai DVD (depth of plot or
sexual pairing need not apply).
Sexy Bytes?
There’s only ONE lesbian scene in this whole thing? And it’s dreadfully short? Damn.
Scary Bytes?
Did I mention all the dirty old men scenes suck in a bad way? I did, didn’t I! Avoid it.
Overall?
I think I said all I need to say about this one, didn’t I? I give this one 4 I’m glad I wasn’t
tempted to reference a certain “Doctor” during this review points to myself out of 5.
Critical Mass’/Vanilla Series’ Spotlight
A low down dirty 3 out of 5
Funny, you never saw this side of the music industry in that American Idol movie!
A title that, supposedly, digs deep into the dark underbelly of the music industry falls
short by seemingly wanting to play mind games with it’s viewers… to the point of being
rather annoying. It is decidedly unsexy, unlike another music industry dark sider I
remember. One of these days I’m going to have to tell you all about it… just not enough
room for now.
Spotlight, all in all, does not go over as well as it seems it can’t keep it’s own “reality”
focused as it drifts into “dream sequence” after “dream sequence” until you have a tad
bit of a hard time figuring out what’s real and what’s make believe. At least the other
one all sex scenes were real, no “dream sequences” which is why it didn’t suck (unlike
this which did suck a little bit).
Supposedly it’s about what you’d do for fame… but it doesn’t get all that far it seems.
Saori is the lead of this group called Twinkle, but it seems she doesn’t have as much
talent as she should have, but good thing her “partners” Yuna and Erica are “watching
out” for her even if they seem to be getting the short end of the stick here (what with
one torture humiliation sex scene as they’re bitched out and sexed up by the band
manager (Masaki) for not doing their jobs good enough)). Still, even with her “partners”
and so forth is she really ready for the cutthroat world of the music industry?
Actually it’s not as cutthroat as the jewel case makes it out to be, especially since
manager Masaki thinks a better forced sex scene than he apparently can deliver (more
on that in abit). The box talks about Saori getting the band past shady music don Kijima,
but as you’ll see in this one nothing is as it seems (and getting “past” the Don may not
be as much as a problem as this DVD makes it).
It seems there is more “Dream” sequences than real, with little here being real and what
few real things there is not measuring up on the stick of hentai. It’s OK, yes, but with the
DVD constantly trying to trick you out over and over again (and not delivering a dark
dirty story that it should have instead of trying to be tricky with it’s hentai) this is more
infuriating than interesting. The worst, mind you, is the ending sex scene which (after all
the scenes up to now) falls dreadfully short as somebody fails to deliver the package…
and yes, I mean it that way… way to go, dude, get therapy. (Oh, and the odds of this
having a sequel is nil, and not just because it’s not interesting enough for a sequel…
the way it ends kinda insures there won’t be a sequel, and if there is it will most likely be
without certain people… no more hints.)
That’s that otherwise. Breakdown will mete this all out.
Spotlight Breakdown
Hentai Hot?
Not much. Even the sex scenes are only so-so with only a few really standing out… but
not enough to justify paying full price for this one. If you can find it in the bargain bin
then go for it, otherwise there is far better out there for you.
Hentai Not?
God how can some people swear by this one I can’t figure out! I, unlike this hentai’s
supporters, can’t swear by it. I’ll be even handed with it and give it an average score (for
an about average hentai), but I won’t swear by it either. I know there is far better out
there than this, I know it.
Sexy Bytes?
First half I have to say the “taming” of Yuna and Erica, with the second half going to the
pairing of either Yuna or Erica (won’t say which) and one other and one more surprise
coupling (dream sequence only though but here‘s a hint… it features Saori‘s mom who,
surprise surprise, plays a bigger role in this story than even the jewel case talks of).
Scary Bytes?
I won’t go into that, let’s just say it happens in the second half and that’s that.
Oh, and if you want to feel as if your brain is bleeding from the inside out, try listening to
the “music” on the menu screens for more than 2 minutes… yeesh… no more whatever
evil cheery braindead pop whatever or whatnot… no more.
Overall?
I should give this a low grounded 2 out of 5 for being a substandard hentai that didn’t
really work at all, but to be honest it is average… and that’s it. It has it’s moments, yes,
but in the end it is more passable than pickupable (short of it being on sale then maybe
it might be worth a pick-up if you can save money on it).
I’m giving this a low ball 3 singing trio who (yes) look like they’re only famous for all the
wrong reasons (look at bodies… don’t go farther… get the point…) out of 5. Nuff said,
now go away singing fools.
Next Month
Icarus Publishing’ Patriot, Anime 18/Anime Hot Shots’ Spaceship Agga Ruter 1-2 (4)
and finally Anime 18/Anime Hot Shots’ TriAngle 1-2
Comments?
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