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Why Do Men Cheat?

By Frank Weber

Copyright ©2024

Men are animals of a primal sort.

As a group, we’re pretty predictable – in that specifically-general sense, that is.

If a man is faced with a drop-dead gorgeous flirtatious woman, there’s a tendency to encourage the attention. Doesn’t mean he’ll act on it, but who doesn’t want to feel a little attention from the opposite sex?

Women are much the same, but the primal reaction is almost expected of men…it’s as if there’s something wrong with a guy if he doesn’t flirt back. Even though nine times out of ten, absolutely nothing happens from it, it’s still expected.


Still…there’s that one time in ten that it actually does progress further than simple jokes and flirts.A smile becomes a wink.

That wink becomes a playful shoulder nudge or a hip bump.

That playful nudge leads to amusing – but still very personal – banter.

Simple, mindless banter all-of-a-sudden becomes interesting and intriguing conversation.

And then, if the two people are lonely or even just a little bit bored with their lives, the table is set for the cheating game to begin.


But why do men cheat?


I think it’s fair to say that both sexes cheat and in equal numbers. It always takes two to cheat – let’s never forget that.

But this discussion focuses on men, so let’s take a look in that direction.


Men have a primal need for the type of validation that comes from a seemingly simple and even innocent compliment. A lot of the time, a flash of the eyes or an innocent brush against the arm is all it takes, but when the attention becomes more overt, it feeds on the needs deep-down…


Some younger men – guys in their early twenties to maybe mid-thirties – have an inborn drive to prove their desirability and establish their vitality. They’re still finding their way through life’s hierarchy. They’re still finding their place in the world.While this is certainly not true of every young man, if this is the case, he won’t care if he’s dating a supermodel or married to the star-struck love of his life, his primal driving need will take the wheel. His want to establish his ‘manhood’ – his desirability and virility – will push him into a hook-up with any and all girls that will have him.


BUT…let’s not be too hard on the young guy. Sure, he’s doing it but so are the girls he's getting and ALL of them are young. They’re young and, quite honestly, they’re embracing every natural instinct they have when they have it – just like every other human being has done throughout time before them. I’m not saying I agree with it, but BEFORE leveling a harsh judgement upon anyone, you have to consider all of the factors at play.

And…remember that one day, the worm will turn, and these ‘kids’ will be the grown-ups, and that is when all the ‘bills’ come due. There’s a very good reason why so many fathers are so ultra-hyper-protective of their daughters! They know where they came from and they know – better than anyone – what’s coming next.


By the time guys reach their later thirties, they’re not only worrying about their daughters but it’s the beginning of a new wave of young bucks sniffing around all the pretty young girls.A new wave of young bucks come along to push them out of the way.

So now they’re contending with the younger guys and even trying to outdo them. Problem is, those pretty young girls never really change – they want the pretty young guys, typically not ‘dads’.That gives even more of an urgency to the question of power and virility.

No matter the age, there’s still that drive and that need for a man to prove his power and maintain the dominant position he ‘earned’ in his younger days. No man ever wants to give up his place in the pecking order, especially to some ‘kid’ who wants to push everyone else out of his way.

Since these guys are having trouble convincing the pretty young girls, they move on to women closer to their own age, all in the hopes that they get the validation they’re craving.

A lot of those women are feeling the same vibe, just from a different direction.

Yup…the table is set…again…


In everything I’ve experienced and everyone I’ve ever known in this situation, it’s never really been about the sex. It’s come down to a personal feeling of validation – that “I DO belong here!” thought that plagues every man – whether he’s cheating or not.

Sounds cold, I know, but that’s how it’s looked to me.


So once again, BEFORE leveling a harsh judgement upon this group of guys, you have to consider all of the factors at play in their world, too.

Now once men reach their ‘older’ years – and nowadays, that means a man forty and beyond – the rules completely change and the playing field is suddenly drastically different…and much less friendly.


Older men are almost forced to once again prove their worth and desirability and virility.It’s as if they never did in the first place.

Everything that came before is completely forgotten and we’re dropped back to square one.Yeah, I’m in that ‘old man’ age group myself.

Just like everything else in this world, it all comes around full circle.


Enter the ‘Sugar Daddy’ syndrome.

And let’s not confuse ‘daddy issues’ with ‘sugar daddy’.

If a girl is with an older man because of so-called ‘daddy issues’, she’s with him because he can offer her the type of love and attention that she needs – right or wrong.

If a girl is looking for a ‘sugar daddy’, she wants an old man to pay the bills in return for being ‘on his arm’. To be fair, it’s not always a trade-off for sex, but every bit of it is about sex, whether it’s really happening or it’s only implied. That part doesn’t matter.

The ‘old man’ wants people to believe he’s nailing the hot model.


I always feel kinda bad for the ‘sugar daddy’ guys because they honestly believe that it brings them notoriety and proves (at least to themselves) their virility and they believe it holds their spot in the pecking order. They’ve always looked naïve and even a little foolish to me.

Sadly, it’s no great secret that they only get those younger girls with their money and the comforts they can provide, but sooner or later, that will subside as well.

It’s because they can never see the world for what it truly is – and it seems ridiculous in a lot of cases – they’re really only chipping away at the very thing they’re trying so desperately to hold on to. All the while, never even noticing that their wife of many years is still there to give them that support, still sitting there, waiting for them to come home.

So, yeah…even an ‘old’ man will cheat if he thinks it’ll bring him back around to where he wants to be. And sometimes even cause his wife to start looking around, too.


So when you get right down to it, cheating for a good number of men is nothing more than bolstering their own egos and self-images.It’s always about sex, but it rarely ever seems to be for sex.


Then again, there are no doubt just as many guys who just love to fuck and will nail any woman they can con into bed…or over a table…or in the backseat…just to have more and more and more sex!

It doesn’t matter the way you get there, it always comes back around to feeling good.

Any way you cut it, it really comes down to feeling good.

Have I said that enough yet? It’s the underlying reason for so much that goes on in this world!

Some guys – just like the women that cheat – just want to feel good in a bad world.

No, it’s not a rationalization. It’s a simple fact.

Why do you think polyamory is experiencing such a surge?

It’s not about cheating per se…it’s about finding a way to feel good and not hurt those around you. Not in the traditional sense, anyway.


Feel good in body.

Feel good in mind.

Feel good in spirit.


But when all is said and done, don’t hold it all against him…


Because he’s scared.

Because he’s threatened.

Because he’s human.

Because his wants are boiling inside.

Because he can.


Sometimes the label of ‘a cheat’ isn’t really a cheat after all.

Never forget…it always takes two, so don’t think so much.


Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

About Frank Weber:  

Frank Weber is a freelance writer from Erie, Pennsylvania. He has been published in several print and digital magazines, local interest books and advertising campaigns as both writer and model. His work encompasses a firm conviction, a simple honesty in written word and enough of a raw edge to make people feel what they read. Website:

Twitter: @frankietatts_

Instagram: @frankietatts

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