Friday Night in the Suburbs

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3 days ago
6 min read

By Rachel Turney

Maintaining a healthy and connected personal loop has been the backbone of my relationship with my partner. In this wild world, with all of our other responsibilities, it is so important to spend time focusing on each other. One simple way I do this with my partner is to have coffee together in the morning and play the New York Times Games. Even if that means getting up early or changing our schedules, we prioritize this morning time together. We also go for a long walk most afternoons and take turns discussing the day.

Another way to share that personal connection is sex. It’s paramount to prioritize intimacy together. That is what this series is about - practical, cute, and fun ways to explore your sexual connection. I am writing this for you, but also for us. My partner and I will be examining and exploring all of these activities. What better way to spend a Friday Night in the Suburbs?

Preparation:

1. Make the space sexy.

First, evaluate where you typically have sex. How could that space be sexier? I spoke with Dr. Greta Raglan about this topic and she said, “To improve the sensuality of your bedroom environment, begin by reducing clutter and distractions from the space. Remember that sensory experiences connected with pleasure can be cues that reinforce sex in the future. Specific scents, lights, music, linens, can all become associated with intimacy and their presence can contribute to responsive desire over time.”

2. Feel sexy.

You have to feel sexy to want to engage in sex! Are there barriers to you feeling sensual in your own skin? For me, getting back to what was sexy when I first met my partner has helped. Since we were in different countries for the first month of our relationship, the curated nude photograph played a big role in our early days. I like the classic nude because I control the final product and can make changes until I get a shot I am happy with. We save our photographs in a locked folder on our phones and delete them from the regular camera roll. It’s fun to look back through them together sometimes.

3. Have sex.

This Friday night, try out my suggested erotic activity “The Senses, Sensually”. If this activity isn’t for you, just spend time doing something you used to do to connect that has fallen out of your routine.

Adult Activity Book Entry One: The Senses, Sensually

This Friday night is all about the senses. Sit together, ideally facing each other. I suggest doing this in the bedroom, naked. Describe to your partner what you see, smell, taste, feel, and hear. You can take this as far as you want. You might consider creating a sensual environment by adding candles, music, any little toys you own, or something new. You can add food components, a blindfold, feathers - anything that might stimulate the senses. I am sure you can think of some other fun ways to make this activity yours.

How we did the activity:

When we did this, we started by taking turns talking through the senses. Next, we altered the sensory experience for the other person and used descriptive language to connect. I used a blindfold on Zach and he said “Now instead of seeing the freckles on your shoulder, I just see darkness.” I also used a feather to lightly touch him, which he described. When it was his turn, he played a song that has special meaning to us. I ended up wearing the blindfold for most of our time. Taking away one of my senses was really good for me and helped me focus. I think we will be trying that again…

The goal of this activity is shared time together, slowing down with purpose. It’s about making observations and experiencing as one. If you are looking for some inspiration read my erotic sensory poem “Sweat” available on Bare Back Magazine’s website. This activity, like all of my activities, was designed for any grouping of adults consensually engaging in an intimate relationship.

Have a sexy Friday night!

From the suburbs,

Rachel Turney

Guest: Dr. Greta Raglan, PhD is a clinical psychologist specializing in behavioral sleep medicine, perinatal mental health, and sexual health.

Who are we as a couple?

I’m Rachel (she/her) and my partner is Zach (he/him). We are a cisgendered heterosexual married couple living in the suburbs.

I work in education and Zach is in the tech field. We work from home and enjoy traveling, good food, and … sex. Zach and I met in 2021 and have had a whirlwind romance that resulted in us living in the suburbs near his hometown. Staying connected and true to ourselves as a couple has become more difficult as we have gotten busier and busier. That’s one reason we wanted to take on this project and we are grateful to Natasha at Bare Back Magazine for providing this incredible platform. Please reach out to me on socials with your thoughts, questions, and experiences.

Bio:

Rachel Turney, Ed.D. (she/her) is an educator and artist located in Colorado. Her poems, research articles, drawings, and photography can be found in a variety of publications. Rachel is passionate about immigrant rights, teacher support, and empowering other artists. She is a Writers’ Hour prize winner and her photography appears on a few magazine covers. Rachel is on staff at Bare Back Magazine as a contributing writer with her monthly column Friday Night in the Suburbs. She is a reader for The Los Angeles Review. Her poetry collection Record Player Life is forthcoming with The Poetry Lighthouse.

Website: turneytalks.com Instagram: @turneytalks Bluesky: rachelturney

Friday Night in the Suburbs Minis: Trick or Treat - Halloween Mini Articles

Sex and Candy

Trick or treat… this month, make a sexy playlist! You could even incorporate the music into this month’s adult activity “The Senses, Sensually”, though I encourage you to make this a separate activity. Create individual playlists that make you feel sexy. Share the playlists over two separate sexual encounters.

How we did the activity:

Honestly, I wasn’t sure what songs we might enjoy together. While our music tastes overlap and we listen to music often, it isn’t part of our sex life. I find it distracting and that was true during this exercise too. After my playlist, we did enjoy cuddling in bed a bit longer, due to the addition of the music. We also talked and joked about our playlists for days leading up to and after this activity. So, though “Sex and Candy” might not have enhanced our sexual experience, this activity did create a bond. I also found Zach’s playlist very sensual and thoughtful. Seeing what he chose was like receiving a love note…minus the first song (lol).

Rachel’s Playlist:

Sex and Candy - Marcy’s Playground (I told you I was having a hard time with this.)

Fade Into You - Mazzy Star

Wicked Game - Chris Isaak

Fine Night - Cloonee

Zach’s Playlist:

Bed Squeak - Brooke Candy (He said this was a joke.)

Overcome - Tricky

Moonlit and Devious - Allie Crow Buckley

You & Me - Flume

Hot Blooded - New Constellations

Show Me Your Dark Side

Trick or treat… let’s take this month’s adult activity “The Senses, Sensually” a little further with an exercise that explores light and dark that I am calling: “Show Me Your Dark Side”.

This activity is suggested as two separate encounters. First, I ask you to deprive yourself of sight. You can make the room totally black or use an eye mask or blindfold so that you can’t see much or anything at all. Engage in any form of intimacy you might enjoy with your partner in darkness. Keep your eyes closed.

As part of a second encounter, turn on all of the lights. Brighten your space and enjoy the full view of your partner. Don’t close your eyes when you kiss nor at any other time. Be present, visually, in the moment. Keep your eyes open.

After you have completed the light and dark activities, spend time with your partner discussing how they were different and what you enjoyed or didn't enjoy about each experience.

How we did the activity:

Through this experience, I realized that we rarely have sex in the dark. My partner is very visual and he really didn’t want to close his eyes. I, on the other hand, had a hard time keeping my eyes open during the lighted activity. I find I need to limit distractions. We discussed these differences and decided we might try to have sex in the dark more often, as that really did work better for me.