Friday Night in the Suburbs (II) Oral Fixation

By Rachel Turney

Copyright ©2025

Friday Night in the Suburbs (II) 

Adult Activity Book Entry Two: Oral Fixation 

This Friday night is all about the mouth, more specifically, oral sex. I spoke about this topic with my friends and found that oral sex was a particular area of angst in many relationships. As always, you should only do what feels comfortable and correct for you. If this is something that is “on the table”, I suggest engaging in oral sex this Friday night. I’m going to be honest and say that my partner receives oral sex once a month when I am on my period, while I am the recipient much more often. This month, I examined the why of that unbalanced exchange. I enjoy giving my partner oral sex. I find the power and control I have over the situation hot. So why don’t I do it more often? (Please see my note about oral sex and sexual trauma at the end of the article.) As we have recently gotten busier with work and I have started editing my poetry collections for publication, sex has become a timed event. Do we have time? Can we fit this in between meetings? One reason I wanted to write this column was so that I would spend more time on sex and put more thought into sex with my partner. It’s working for us and I hope it is working for you too. 

This month’s adult activity is designed in three parts. You can complete this in any order. This project is about focusing on your partner with the act of oral sex. Spend an encounter focused on oral sex for your partner, without receiving oral sex in return nor moving to penetrative sex. Ask your partner to do the same, with a focus on you, in a second session. Finally, I suggest exploring, what for us had become a long-lost art, 69. 

Why oral sex is important: 

“Creating those ecstasies and bringing on mind-bending orgasms using your tongue and your mouth is the most selfless, personal act of affection toward another human being. It’s a way of expressing a deep want and lust and feeling for another person in an extraordinarily private way.” -Frank Weber in his article “Is Oral Sex in the Cards?” 

How we did the activity: 

Well, Zach was very interested in helping me with this month’s article. Right out of the gate he initiated a 69 encounter. I agree with Frank and think this shared act is something very intimate that can create a special bond. Zach and I do enjoy oral sex, it’s different from penetrative sex and facilitates a circular dynamic between us (literally and figuratively). When I initiated oral sex with Zach this month, he was a bit surprised and very pleased. For me, it’s empowering to see those sheets be gripped and know I am showing the person I love a fantastic orgasm. Zach is a very giving lover, so the third session of focus on me came naturally as part of what we already typically do as part of our weekly sex life. 

This Friday night, get your mouthful!

Have a sexy Friday night!

From the suburbs, 

Rachel Turney 

Works Cited: 

Weber, F. (2024, March 31). Is Oral Sex in the Cards? Bare Back Magazine. https://www.barebackmag.com/post/is-oral-sex-in-the-cards

Friday Night in the Suburbs Mini: Horn(y) of Plenty - Thanksgiving Mini Article 

Horn(y) of Plenty 

(I deeply regret choosing this name for the article, as there has been no end to Zach’s puns.)

When I first met Zach, I actually complained to one of my friends that we had too much sex-lol. We took a year off to travel the world together, so basically all we did was walk around cities, wine and dine, and have sex. It was as fabulous as it sounds. We had so much time together. Now Zach is a Vice President and I have three books in edits. Some days, it feels difficult to come together. That’s why I created this activity: Horn(y) of Plenty. The idea behind this month’s mini is to relish in having. I am grateful for our sex life and one way to show and enjoy that is by having more sex. Set aside (more) decadent time to enjoy your partner sensually, whatever that means to you. 

On our first try with this activity, I set a goal to have sex five days in a row. Well, that worked great for the first two days then we had house guests and other distractions. This activity is tricky because you don’t want sex to become “a chore” or something on the to-do list. I wanted to push us to create time for connection. So, I set a new goal of three days in a row. This time I changed my intention to include intimate moments and/or sex. This worked much better and made me be more aggressive. When I knew we both had time, I initiated sex, which I do often, but have done a little less recently because Zach has been so stressed at work. I don’t think I should sit back anymore. Maybe I know exactly what he needs when he needs it and that makes me feel sexy. 

By the end of the month, I landed on having sex two days in a row. If Zach or I initiated sex, I made sure to follow up with an intimate experience the next day. This isn’t the sextravaganza I had originally planned, but I think I ended up with a goal that can work for us, pushes me to initiate intimacy, and creates more opportunities for sexual connections. I hope this activity helps you find something that enhances intimacy as well. 

If you missed it, please check out my first installment in this series The Senses, Sensually. 

Next month, I will share some fun ideas for the holiday season - ho, ho, ho ;)

A note from me about oral sex and past sexual trauma: 

This month, I examined my relationship with oral sex and considered that I might have some unresolved issues surrounding oral sex from my past. This is interfering with my current relationship. Accepting that I am in a mutually respectful and safe relationship now isn’t always easy; I am sure many of you can relate. Feeling secure, valued, and not pressured is paramount. If that isn’t the base of the relationship then oral sex can be something very deleterious. Healing is part of a healthy relationship and your partner needs to support you in your journey towards rebuilding if you have previously been knocked down. It’s important to share areas where you are still working through negative past experiences so that your partner can support you. 

Previously shared content about the Friday Night in the Suburbs series:

Who are we as a couple? 

I’m Rachel (she/her) and my partner is Zach (he/him). We are a cisgendered heterosexual married couple living in the suburbs. I work in education and Zach is in the tech field. We work from home and enjoy traveling, good food, and … sex. Zach and I met in 2021 and have had a whirlwind romance that resulted in us living in the suburbs near his hometown. Staying connected and true to ourselves as a couple has become more difficult as we have gotten busier and busier. That’s one reason we wanted to take on this project and we are grateful to Natasha at Bare Back Magazine for providing this incredible platform. Please reach out to me on socials with your thoughts, questions, and experiences. 

Bio: 

Rachel Turney, Ed.D. (she/her) is an educator and artist located in Colorado. Her poems, research articles, drawings, and photography can be found in a variety of publications. Rachel is passionate about immigrant rights, teacher support, and empowering other artists. She is a Writers’ Hour prize winner, Best of the Net nominee, and her photography appears on a few magazine covers. Rachel is on staff at Bare Back Magazine as a contributing writer with her monthly column Friday Night in the Suburbs. She is a reader for The Los Angeles Review. Her poetry collection Record Player Life is forthcoming with The Poetry Lighthouse. Her second collection, Retired Wannabe Club Kid, is set for release in 2026 with Parlyaree Press. 

Website: turneytalks.com Instagram: @turneytalks Bluesky: rachelturney